Oblivion
by SpinnerOfYarns
Summary: "It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live." AU with a hint of an inkling of an insinuation of Slash. Be warned.


Sirius Black was a happy man. Standing in the back yard of his home, looking over the rows of lined up chairs, he thought about everything that happened in the last few years. The war ended. They were at peace now. And it was all thanks to his godson.

Harry... What a wonderful man he has become. Sirius couldn't be prouder of him. Harry has given him a new chance at life and he was determined to do it right this time. To right the many wrongs that he committed. He wanted to make it up to Harry, for all those years of not being there. Merlin, he was a crappy godfather.

Sirius could see that all the funerals, and the parties, and the award ceremonies, and many, many interviews were taking a toll on his godson, so he decided to do something about it. The next day he went out and bought a house. It was a lovely two story stone home in the countryside and he doesn't think that he has ever seen Harry as happy as when he showed it to him. He knew that Harry was now an adult, that he might want to live his own life, find someone to settle down with, but through his own shyly posed question (and Merlin, since when was he shy about anything) and Harry's teary eyes and almost hysterical laughter, they got over the sudden awkwardness and found themselves living together.

It wasn't always easy. The first year was especially hard for both of them. But they got through it. Throughout all of Harry's nightmares, and his own flashbacks, and their fears that none of this was real, they had each other. And if Sirius noticed the distance increasing between Harry and his friends he never said a word. He understood the need for space, for some peace. Harry seemed content with just him around, he seemed happy and Sirius was delighted to have the opportunity to make up for all that lost time.

Then Sirius met her. At St Mungo's of all places. And she was a breath of fresh air that he needed. She didn't care about his past, actually, she didn't care about the past at all, always looking towards the future. And Sirius understood. One date soon became more, then she was practically living with them, and the engagement that followed was the next logical step. She was kind, loving, she kept him grounded. Sirius realized that some stability might be the perfect thing for both him and Harry. And if Harry's smile became a little more fixed and his expression as good as practiced whenever he saw him, Sirius never said a word. Harry had a right to some privacy after all.

That was how he found himself here, today, watching the final preparations for his own wedding. His bride to be was in one of the rooms on the ground floor (bad luck and all that) and he turned on his heel and went to search for Harry. Wouldn't do for the best man to be late, after all.

* * *

Walking up the stairs he heard raised voices. Sirius chuckled to himself quietly, Harry's silencing charms sucked. it made it easier whenever he tried to hide his nightmares, but it also made for quite a few embarrassing situations when Sirius confused Harry's...other night-time activities with a nightmare. Not that he never did _that_ with his wand. He could have told Harry about a few nifty charms as well, if Harry's head wasn't looking like it's going to spontaneously combust any second. Sirius suddenly sobered as he recognized the other voice. Remus was here! Why didn't he come and see him?

When Sirius told Remus that he wanted Harry to be his best man, he thought that Remus understood. For a second there was this deep sadness in his eyes, and Sirius hurried to explain himself, but Remus cut him off. He said he understood, and that there were no hard feelings. He wasn't angry about it, was he?

Sirius would feel bad for eavesdropping but he was always good at convincing himself that he was doing the right thing. So he crept closer to the door of Harry's room and stood there holding his breath waiting for them to say something.

Someone was pacing on the other side of the door and by the light footsteps he could tell it was Harry.

"It's not healthy, Harry." Remus sounded tired, as if this was an argument that they have been over before.

Harry's voice had a slight hysterical edge to it as he answered, "I know that! You don't have to tell me that! Merlin, Remus, can't you see I'm trying? I'm trying so hard to do the right thing here!"

"But is it the right thing to do?" Remus asked quietly.

"Don't!" It was said in a sharp tone that Sirius has never heard come out of Harry's mouth. "Don't go there! We had this conversation and I will not do this again!"

Remus sighed, "Don't you see what this is doing to you, Harry? You can't keep doing this! You isolated yourself in this little world of yours and you can't see what the rest of us do! All the glamours in the world can't hide you from a werewolf. You are wasting away in front of me and I can't do anything to help!"

"Well, you never bothered before, so why should now be any different!" Harry's voice was dripping with contempt.

In the awkward pause that followed Sirius was trying to understand what they were talking about. Harry was alright, wasn't he? Sirius would notice if something was wrong. But Remus mentioned glamours...

"I... Merlin, I'm sorry, Remus. You know I didn't mean it like that."

"It's alright Harry, I know... Besides, I do kind of deserve that. I know I was never there for you. But can you understand that I'm trying now? I want to do better, Harry. I want to help you!"

There was a choking sound that most likely came from Harry. Something between a sob and laughter. "But you can't help me, Moony. No one can. This doesn't require an intervention. I know it's wrong. I know it isn't meant to be. I... Merlin, I'm so fucked up."

"I never said it was wrong." came Moony's gentle reply. "Unconventional, sure. But nothing that makes you happy can be wrong, cub. And Sirius would do anything to make you happy..."

"And I would do anything for him to be happy as well!" roared Harry. "Don't you see? Don't you understand? I would do anything, I would give up everything! Just for him to be happy. And he is happy, Moony. That's the point."

"Cub..."

"No! He deserves it! More than anyone else in this godforsaken world, he deserves happiness." Only Harry's harsh breathing could be heard in the silence that ensued.

"More than you do?" was Moony's quiet reply.

"You still don't get it, Remus! Why do you think I'm still here? You think it makes me happy?"

Sirius was hurt. Harry wasn't happy here? With him? Then why was he staying? Why didn't he say something?

"I'm still here because it makes him happy. If I thought for a second that he would be happier with me gone, I would go now! I would leave and never look back, and I would be content, because he is happy!"

"Content?" Remus asked quietly. "Is that all you want to be? Content?"

"Of course I don't want to be fucking content Remus! Who wants to be content? That's not normal! Then again, nothing about this is normal." Harry finished quietly.

"Harry... Cub... I know we talked about this already, but, are you sure this is what you think it is? You and I both know that you didn't have a textbook childhood, and even later, there was no time for you to just sit back and think things through. You could be reading too much into this." Remus sounded almost desperate.

Harry sighed. When he started speaking, the sound sent chills down Sirius' spine. He never heard Harry sound so empty... So... Hollow. And he never wanted to either.

"Moony, I spent a year working to get him out of that veil. A fucking year locked up in that fucking house that he and I both hate. I hardly ate, I hardly slept. I missed the first birthday of my own godson!"

Sirius stood rooted to the spot. He didn't know this. No one ever talked about it.

"We knew you needed time..."

Harry continued as if he didn't hear him, "A year spent reading everything I could get my hands on. The Potter library first. Useless. The same with the Black one. The Malfoy library finally had some clues. I can never thank Draco enough for that... Anyway, you know I was never the bookish type. So, don't you think that in between all that reading I had time to think about this? You think I didn't realize what I was doing to myself? You think I never wondered why I was so adamant to get him back? I never knew you thought so little of me, Moony..."

"You know that's not what I'm saying, Harry! It just seemed so sudden..." Moony trailed off. "And quite intense for something that came out of nowhere."

Harry chuckled again, but stooped suddenly, "That's me. Boy-who-can't-do-anything-halfway."

Sirius could almost hear the answering smile that Moony gave, "Shouldn't that be a good thing?"

"You still don't understand Moony. I know you think I'm young, and that there's time, and that I'll get over it, but this is not just a passing fancy for me! Remus, I would give my life for his happiness. If I thought that would've brought him back, I would have surrendered the war to Voldemort. I would have watched everything around me crash and burn, and just knowing that he's safe would have been enough! You think I did what I did out of sense of duty?! I did it because I wanted revenge! I owed nothing to these people, to this world that took him away from me! Every good thing I had in my life was taken away mercilessly, and they still wanted me to save them! I OWE THEM NOTHING!"

Remus just stood there with his mouth slightly open, seemingly at a loss for words.

Sirius on the other hand didn't know what to feel. He wanted an explanation, his hand was already on the doorknob, but he just couldn't make himself open the door, shocked as he was by what Harry has kept bottled up inside all this time.

"And they still want something from me. Haven't they taken enough? I don't want to go outside. I don't want to see anyone. I just can't take it! All the empty words of thanks, meaningless platitudes and condolences... I don't want any of it. And I wanna scream it from the rooftops, so they can all hear! I didn't really do it for them, they don't mean anything to me at all. I did it for Sirius... Everything. For him."

"Oh, cub..." said Remus softly.

Still standing with one hand on the doorknob, Sirius was surprised to find that he was crying. He couldn't quite remember the last time he cried.

"And now, here I am", Harry continued, "Some days I wouldn't even get out of bed if it wasn't for him. A 21-year-old broken savior..."

"You're not broken, cub..." Remus tried.

And Harry laughed. It wasn't a pleasant sound, Remus thought. Harry wasn't supposed to sound like that.

"What would you call it then Moony?! I am in love with my fucking godfather! If that isn't the definition of broken, I don..." Harry trailed off suddenly. He stood frozen to the spot, his eyes wide and frightened and glued to something behind Remus.

Sirius didn't even know when he entered the room. One minute he was outside and he heard Harry and the next he was standing right in front of him his eyes fixed to the frightened green orbs in front of him.

Tear tracks stained his face, his eyes were burning, and yet he couldn't look away from Harry.

"Why..." Sirius croaked. His voice sounded foreign even to him, but to Harry it must have sounded even worse. Sirius could practically feel Harry shut down in front of him. His eyes became vacant and strange shivers kept coursing through him.

"Harry..." Sirius tried again, but at the sound of his voice Harry started shaking his head vigorously, a small, nearly indecipherable chant coming from his lips. And Sirius didn't know whether to be thankful for Padfoot's sense of hearing or not, when all he could hear from Harry was just a litany of no's.

Then suddenly, Harry straightened up and turned to Remus who, Sirius was surprised to see, was still standing there looking wide-eyed at them both.

"Obliviate him!"

It was said with such a force that Sirius could finally see what all those others must have at the Battle of Hogwarts. The commanding force behind Harry's words was so strong that he could have sworn they were laced with magic. And by instinct alone, Sirius' own wand found its way to his hand.

"What do you..." Remus started.

"Harry! I just want to talk to you... Come on, Harry, it's me..." Sirius tried gently.

And Sirius could see the momentary strength leaving Harry, his shoulders slumping, his breathing becoming uneven. He dropped his head down, but not before Sirius could see the tears running down his face.

"Maybe you should..." Remus tried again.

"Remmy... I'm begging you... Please..." The hoarse words sounded so foreign coming from Harry's lips, so empty and lifeless that Sirius actually dropped his wand in surprise.

And in a blink of an eye, his wand was sailing to Remus' empty hand, while the other one was holding another, pointed straight at him.

"Don't do this, Remus. Harry! Harry, I..." Sirius started.

"I'm sorry Padfoot. Please forgive me."

And Sirius could practically feel the sadness radiating from Moony, but if there was one thing he knew in that moment, it was that he would never forgive Remus for doing this.

And as he turned towards Harry, staring into those pain filled emerald eyes, Sirius tried again.

"I..."

 _"Obliviate."_

* * *

It was a lovely summer afternoon as Sirius stood at the altar waiting for his bride to come down the aisle. He never thought he would live to see the day. Sirius Black, the bachelor extraordinaire, settling down. But standing here, surrounded by his friends, his family, Sirius didn't think he could ever be happier. He ruthlessly pushed that little disagreeing voice to the back of his mind and looked over to Harry, standing by his side. They smiled at each other and Sirius turned back towards the aisle.

And if Harry's eyes seemed a little empty, and his smile a little fixed, Sirius never said a word.

Sirius Black was a happy man.


End file.
